If you like the track, you can download it here.

We’ve all been there… your new phone turns out to be a lemon, automated billing goes horribly wrong, or maybe an airline strands you without compensation. You call customer service and they just waste your time, leaving you upset and out tons of money.

Don’t despair!

I have beaten the system again and again. Free glasses, cell phones, internet service, cameras, waived cancellation fees, flight vouchers for 60 people at once… I have even RETURNED PAINT!

I have taught many many people The Hammer and now I am going to teach YOU.

The main keys throughout the process are to remain CALM and PERSONABLE while asserting the LEGITIMACY of your claim. You need to get to the highest levels possible by ESCALATING your call/case.

There is ALWAYS someone higher up who can and will sort you out.

ESCALATION 

Customer Service’s entire job is to STOP you from ESCALATING your call by FRUSTRATING you. They want you to either hang up or yell; which means THEY can hang up. Do not play their game.

On the phone you need to remain CALM and PERSONABLE at ALL times… yet assert the LEGITIMACY of your claim.

It is actually quite easy to read and understand the ‘fine print’ in any consumer agreement. Download it, skim it, make NOTES… and then USE THE LANGUAGE of their actual contract (even if you use it badly). They recognize it and will respond like magic.

They will tell you ‘What makes you special? Why do you think YOU are an exception to the rule?’ This is MISDIRECTION. You have been WRONGED, and you are contractually entitled to compensation. KNOW this, and use their own contract language against them.

THE HUMAN CONNECTION

Identify with the agents at a HUMAN level… get them talking about their pets, get them to put themselves in your shoes, joke, have FUN… treat it as SPORT because you WILL get paid in the end.

It is a good idea to ASK the agent for things like the SPELLING of their name, and their EMPLOYEE NUMBER. People behave VERY badly when they are anonymous or playing a role. This is why armies, police, and prison guards wear uniforms. This is why costume parties get so debaucherous.

Make sure that the agent knows that you know EXACTLY who they are, and are holding them accountable at a HUMAN level.

Another good idea is to get the agent to take down YOUR number in case the call is mysteriously ‘dropped’. This happens all the time, it’s an easy out and you don’t want to give it to them. You also don’t want to repeat yourself or waste time.

Every time you get a new person get their NAME and give them your PHONE NUMBER.

SOCIAL MEDIA

If the corporation has TWITTER or FACEBOOK you need to RELENTLESSLY bombard them with negative comments. These are PUBLIC and VERY damaging.

Corporations respond very VERY well to public shaming.

It is often a good idea to do this FIRST as it will soften them up for the later stages of this process. Sometimes the social media department will even call you directly and you can bypass Customer Service entirely.

Make only LEGITIMATE and ACCURATE claims on social media. You do not want to slander the corporation or give them ANY reason to treat you as a nut job.

Say things like @Airline Stranded families overnight without compensation. What happened to Rule 240? or @Airline Violates their OWN Contract of Carriage… Shameful!

COMEDY IS A WEAPON

Once you are comfortable with The Hammer you will learn to take great delight when a corporation wrongs you. This means you are getting PAID. Hammering is no longer a chore, but a great opportunity for ENTERTAINMENT and PROFIT!

Sing silly songs, crack jokes, defuse the ‘professional’ manner on the other end. If you can get the agent to LAUGH then you have got it MADE. Once they snicker or giggle you get to say: Excuse me, but did you just snicker?

You will be able to HEAR their face go white over the phone, it’s AMAZING.

The bottom line is to have FUN with The Hammer. KNOW you are right. KNOW you will get what you want. Have FUN, and get what is yours.

HAPPY HAMMERING!

Love –  ill.GATES

**EDIT – just joined reddit.com, if you’re a redditor please show The Hammer some love:

Like what you see? Get your tickets for a workshop coming near you, or take the full course online here!

Like the track?  Download for free:

Voodoo (ill.Gates + Bassnectar Remix)

This tune is a BEAST! We’ve both been playing it every set, it ALWAYS goes off and I’m absolutely thrilled to be giving it away.

Gotta love that the Bassnectar team are JUST as cool about giving away music as we are.

There is nobody I would rather be working with.

Rest of the EP is here: http://www.bassnectar.net/?p=11367

[FREE DL] – Voodoo (ill.Gates + Bassnectar Remix) by ill.Gates

The wait is over!

You can now take the full ill.Methodology workshop online complete with PAUSE and REWIND!

The site is still in development, but I know a lot of you wanted the workshop ASAP so here it is.

If you have taken the workshop in person you qualify for a 50% discount. We sent out a mailer with discount codes today, so check your inbox, but if you have NOT got that email you can hit help@illgates.com with proof of purchase (aka the email you used to sign up) and we will get you the discount code asap.

Lots of love!

-ill.Gates

This remix/video is a homage to Yo Landi Vi$$er and Ninja of Die Antwoord. You asked for it, I made it, here it is. Respect! - www.dieantwoord.com

“ill.Gates is literally the most underrated man in electronic music…. This remix illustrates perfectly why ill.Gates stands head and shoulders above others in bass music.” - EarMilk.com

If you want to support the best thing you can do is click ‘like’ or share this link: illgates.com/?p=1752

This is a quick lil’ ReRub I did of ‘Imagine This’ by Mediacracy because I wanted a playable version of George Bush singing Imagine by John Lennon. I had never intended on releasing it to anyone, it was a sentimental secret closing track for my live sets only… BUT then #Occupy happened and I figured that I had best share it with the world.

Please download, SHARE, and Enjoy.

“A revolution without dancing is not a revolution worth having.” – Emma Goldman

Mediacracy-ImagineThis(ill.GatesReRub) by ill.Gates