We’ve all been there… your new phone turns out to be a lemon, automated billing goes horribly wrong, or maybe an airline strands you without compensation. You call customer service and they just waste your time, leaving you upset and out tons of money.
Don’t despair!
I have beaten the system again and again. Free glasses, cell phones, internet service, cameras, waived cancellation fees, flight vouchers for 60 people at once… I have even RETURNED PAINT!
I have taught many many people The Hammer and now I am going to teach YOU.
The main keys throughout the process are to remain CALM and PERSONABLE while asserting the LEGITIMACY of your claim. You need to get to the highest levels possible by ESCALATING your call/case.
There is ALWAYS someone higher up who can and will sort you out.
ESCALATION
Customer Service’s entire job is to STOP you from ESCALATING your call by FRUSTRATING you. They want you to either hang up or yell; which means THEY can hang up. Do not play their game.
On the phone you need to remain CALM and PERSONABLE at ALL times… yet assert the LEGITIMACY of your claim.
It is actually quite easy to read and understand the ‘fine print’ in any consumer agreement. Download it, skim it, make NOTES… and then USE THE LANGUAGE of their actual contract (even if you use it badly). They recognize it and will respond like magic.
They will tell you ‘What makes you special? Why do you think YOU are an exception to the rule?’ This is MISDIRECTION. You have been WRONGED, and you are contractually entitled to compensation. KNOW this, and use their own contract language against them.
THE HUMAN CONNECTION
Identify with the agents at a HUMAN level… get them talking about their pets, get them to put themselves in your shoes, joke, have FUN… treat it as SPORT because you WILL get paid in the end.
It is a good idea to ASK the agent for things like the SPELLING of their name, and their EMPLOYEE NUMBER. People behave VERY badly when they are anonymous or playing a role. This is why armies, police, and prison guards wear uniforms. This is why costume parties get so debaucherous.
Make sure that the agent knows that you know EXACTLY who they are, and are holding them accountable at a HUMAN level.
Another good idea is to get the agent to take down YOUR number in case the call is mysteriously ‘dropped’. This happens all the time, it’s an easy out and you don’t want to give it to them. You also don’t want to repeat yourself or waste time.
Every time you get a new person get their NAME and give them your PHONE NUMBER.
SOCIAL MEDIA
If the corporation has TWITTER or FACEBOOK you need to RELENTLESSLY bombard them with negative comments. These are PUBLIC and VERY damaging.
Corporations respond very VERY well to public shaming.
It is often a good idea to do this FIRST as it will soften them up for the later stages of this process. Sometimes the social media department will even call you directly and you can bypass Customer Service entirely.
Make only LEGITIMATE and ACCURATE claims on social media. You do not want to slander the corporation or give them ANY reason to treat you as a nut job.
Say things like @Airline Stranded families overnight without compensation. What happened to Rule 240? or @Airline Violates their OWN Contract of Carriage… Shameful!
COMEDY IS A WEAPON
Once you are comfortable with The Hammer you will learn to take great delight when a corporation wrongs you. This means you are getting PAID. Hammering is no longer a chore, but a great opportunity for ENTERTAINMENT and PROFIT!
Sing silly songs, crack jokes, defuse the ‘professional’ manner on the other end. If you can get the agent to LAUGH then you have got it MADE. Once they snicker or giggle you get to say: Excuse me, but did you just snicker?
You will be able to HEAR their face go white over the phone, it’s AMAZING.
The bottom line is to have FUN with The Hammer. KNOW you are right. KNOW you will get what you want. Have FUN, and get what is yours.
HAPPY HAMMERING!
Love – ill.GATES
**EDIT – just joined reddit.com, if you’re a redditor please show The Hammer some love:
haha you’re a champion. by staying calm and having fun you’ve already won
All great advice!
Another fantastic piece of advice I received recently from someone who works in the field is that there’s a magical word most people don’t know. No, it isn’t “please”. It’s this:
“ESCALATE”
If you feel like you’re going around in circles on customer “service” calls, then just try stating, “I’d like to escalate this call, please.” See what happens.
Chances are good you’re leveling up. DING!
thanks ill.gates!
This is awesome D, my mum recently gave me similar advice, she got all the way to Atalntic City calling from Australia about some flights she was demanding be refunded. Ended up talking to an American agent who was all CEO business style trying to talk down to her with “Lady” and “Listen here” but nope. Wouldn’t have a bar of it lol.
Ended up getting the full refund! This WORKS! Escalate The Hammer of Justice >:]
Peace
It’s Hamma Time!
hahaha uhm… is this for real dude? i’m kinda surprised you’d send shit like this ovr your serve…
this is great !!!
I too have spent a great deal of time honing my skills for talking to support. I use methods from this post as well as a few of my own. I can attest that for the most part I get some sort of resolution for my troubles. Keep calm and carry on!
I’ve been working in technical support/customer service for the past 8 months. I never thought I’d be doing this at this stage of my career but it’s been good.
What will get you far with me is…if you’re simply nice and patient…if you’re actually sweet, it’s highly disarming and I feel a desire to help those people. Customer service people deal with many nasty people a day. It can be a highly irritable job.
Assume the BEST about the company and they will often respond that way. Customer service reps are empathic people too and it is fulfilling for them to help you. This gives their job meaning. Giving them an opportunity to flex their bureaucratic power is also empowering. Most would rather help you than shut you down.
ESCALATING won’t really get you far with me, because you’re one away from the top already. You can often get good traction with the first person you are nice to.
However, you have to know the rules as Mr. Gates suggests. That’s critical.
Haha, I was hoping there was new music
I was being given some tacked on charge when I was setting up auto pay for a power bill. I told them that it was unjust and time is money and I would call every day and tie up their personel and lines and keep their representitive on the line until I had gotten my moneys worth, since time is money. The said in this case they would waive the charge.
“how to screw corporations” from the guy with a registered trademark for a name
I think you’ve been in you’re cave a bit too long ‘cavedweller’, it seems you completely missed the point of this article. Not once did Ill ever pertain to “screwing corporations.”
In fact, he pertained to the issue of “corporations screwing YOU” and then proceeded to give you advice in dealing with these issues and resolve them.
In addition to this, Ill is one man. You cannot escalate the problem because there is nowhere to escalate it to. Therefore, your point is invalid and pointless.
I disagree with Kierin and I think that your explanation and breakdown of how to get what you want our of corporations is pure genius. It’s not about screwing the corporation as a whole because that’s IMPOSSIBLE but getting what you want out of them regardless of what they do to screw you out of what you deserve as a consumer is GENIUS GENIUS GENIUS.
It’s a battle of intellect and the corporations have developed a system to discourage the “average consumer” of going against them when they are not satisfied with our purchases or service.
even though it’s our right as paying customers to get what we want or were promised from their company.WOW…..Your a genius,activist,inspiration and visionary.
ILL GATES FOR PREZ…LOL
so good dood thxs fer sharing
Hahahaha! Awesome stuff Dylan…I have always kind of known how to do this, but the clarity you bring to it is totally brilliant…corporations are in the business of providing a service (usually at the minimum amount of cost and effort to keep you pleased) and extract the maximum amount of payment for those services, so its them screwing you all along…when you find this happening, the impetus is on you to fix the problem or suffer the indignity of being stuck with the shitty service…this how-to for ‘hammering’ is pricelss, humorous, inventive, and visionary…thanks for sharing D…mad props dude
Even if this article was titled “how to screw corporations” who cares? I’m sick of this brain dead mentality that corporations don’t screw us over every day every chance they get. Idiots don’t get there are these things called MARGINS and companies are always trying to increase them. Dear god look at apple using slave labor to make more money then WALLMART!!!!! People need to wake up, what apple does is theft! They steal peoples’ resources, then steal people’s lives assembling those resources, then steal our time and money buying that crap. Think for yourselves, I’m sick of brainless comments ripped stright from mainstream opinion projected on channel news.
This article is awful. I am one personally to get what I deserve when I am wronged by any business, but to encourage the public to post via social media and damage a company over little compensation is wrong.
Put it this way. If you owed me a bag of sweets.. I wouldn’t walk in to your office and pull your trousers down would I. It’s over the top and shows that I have taken it personally.
I’d like to see the article edited.
I agree, be polite and personable. Escalate the call, there is always some one higher. Show your frustration in your tone and voice to the management level while demonstrating you understand that it is not them personally you’re mad at. They are paid to deal with you. It’s part of their job.
Stay relentless to come out alright. If you like, threaten to write a letter, even write the letter.. but don’t slam a company publicly. Ever. There is no need. The damage to their reputation outweighs the benefit you get personally. It’s bigger than “just you”. I’d consider that action selfish and over the top.
Get what you deserve, but get it right, or you are acting as badly as the companies you are “Hammering”.
There is nothing over the top about this article. It’s sad that we’ve been conditioned to take what we can for so long that someone teaching us to play the game THEY’VE invented is seen as over the top. If companies responded to claims reasonably then there’d be no reason to do anything. It’s like a roommate that wouldn’t pay rent…eventually you’d have to do something bigger in order to prove that you’re serious.
Use of social media is just a big-mouth version of word-of-mouth. Companies want to use social media as free or cheap advertising and they know exactly what they’re getting into. If someone has been wronged, even at a minor level, the public deserves to know. They don’t have to listen, we’re all individuals last time I checked, but they have the right to speak up and if the company gives them a forum then all the better. Being wronged doesn’t feel good no matter what the level and the company itself doesn’t have feelings so even on a human level it’s the right thing to do. (Feel free to point out my flawed logic.)
I have been doing exactly what you said for YEARS (the social networking aspect is newer) and generally get what I deserve.
ADDITIONAL HINT: Customer service generally works later than regular offices, so start around 4 (their time) and by the time you get to a higher up they just want to go home and your problem isn’t worth their time and effort, especially when they want to leave work. They’ll generally give you want you should have immediately. They may even ask, before you have finished your story, “What can we do for you to make it right?” or something even less formal. You’re happy, you say great things to them, they’re happy.